Dr. Jess
Dr. Jess
Occupation: Sexologist and Relationship Educator
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
The Sex In My Business: I regularly talk about sex in my job because, as a sexologist and relationship educator, I can’t discuss relationships without including sex (nor vice versa). I am passionate about helping people feel better equipped to manage both in the name of more fulfilling connections.
A Typical Day: Every day is different. Most of my work involves facilitating workshops for couples who want to invest in their relationships, which involves regular travel, often to new cities. I also offer a range of online courses on HappierCouples.com, covering various topics, from mindful sex to how to overcome premature ejaculation. Some days I am on set filming TV segments, and once a week, I am in the podcast studio (which is sometimes a hotel closet) recording the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. We talk about everything from skills to cultivating emotional literacy to techniques for hotter sex.
The Best Part: It feels amazing to hear that my work positively affects others. I recently received a thank you message from a married couple of 20 years who said that attending a short group retreat I led was the best decision they ever made. It doesn’t get better than that! I know I am only helping them to start the conversation and that it’s up to them to keep talking and making the changes necessary to create even more fulfilling and exciting relationships, but I am happy to be a part of it!
The Worst Part: I don’t love being in the public eye. It’s exhausting! Creating content is part of the job, but the criticism that comes with it — especially as a youngish mixed-race woman — gets to me sometimes. I don’t have thick skin, so I have to work on managing my own emotional reactions to criticism.
How I Got Here: I fell into sexology by accident. I was a high school teacher and saw firsthand how our sex education system was failing our students. I decided to go back to school in hopes of creating a program that would support teachers to deliver more effective education. Somewhere along the way, I became a relationship expert, but I still do volunteer work in schools.
What Society Thinks: The people in my inner circle are very supportive, including my partner. Mostly, the folks who attend my events, read my blog, or listen to my podcast are as well. Some people don’t like what I have to say (and they let me know), but the overwhelming majority are open to a range of perspectives. The general public is sometimes skeptical, which I think is rooted in both their own sexual values and the way they view me. Some folks go out of their way to harass and berate me, but I am fortunate to receive a good amount of positive feedback too. Knowing I am helping people (albeit imperfectly) further motivates me to keep working in this field despite the subversiveness of the topic itself. In the end, despite the online noise, I have no complaints. I truly love my work and the many opportunities it affords.
When I’m Not At Work: I like to travel and be outside. I love to hike, paddle board, swim in salty water, toss the (American) football, play a little ultimate frisbee, and eat. I love food and drink! My family comes from the food industry (bakeries and macaroni) in Jamaica, so it’s in my blood.
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER
Published in Issue VII: Sports
