A Queer Girl’s Guide to the G-spot
Ah, the G-spot. What is this strange unicorn of sexual pleasure? Where does it come into play in queer sex? Is it even real?
The G-spot has been confused, shrouded in myth, and used to tout the “values” of P in the V intercourse for… well, just about forever. But now it is time to lay out some cold hard facts about this mystery spot. It is just as important to know about female bodies as it is to know about the male parts people have been obsessing over for centuries. The medical and scientific communities have only recently started paying attention to female anatomy. Most authorities did not even know about the full internal structure of the clitoris until the 1990s.
Not surprisingly, the female orgasm has played an odd role in human history. In Victorian Era literature, you can find some decidedly weird marriage and sex advice. It says, for instance, that man and wife (because of course everyone was presumed straight) should have intercourse and then orgasm simultaneously. Then Freud came along and confused things further by touting the notion of the “mature orgasm”, which basically meant that if a woman was unable to have a vaginal orgasm, her body was either not fully matured or was unable to experience sexual pleasure like an adult. Charming.
What is the real story of the female orgasm, you ask?
While the glans clitoris is the orgasmic epicenter, the G-spot also plays an essential role. The G-spot is named for Dr. Gräfenberg, the man who “discovered” this part of female anatomy in the 1950s. It was then re-evaluated and observed in laboratory studies by Dr. Beverly Whipple and her associates in the 1970s. Her work, The G-Spot (1982), is a revolutionary, critical look at female pleasure and anatomy.
When it comes to the G-spot, it is also vital that people stop buying into the nonsense that "straight sex" (whatever that is) is the most normal kind of sex, because it is not. Most females do not even come during intercourse. The G-spot is available to one and all, and the mind-blowing orgasms one can experience through it in myriad ways are ripe for the taking. Here is everything you need to know about the G-spot. As it turns out, it really isn’t that complicated after all.
The more we discover about female anatomy, the clearer the G-spot becomes. “G-spot” is a nice, clean term. It has panache. Yet, its use of the word “spot” is a misnomer. The clit is actually much larger than that little bud you see at the top of the vulva. It extends inside the body up to five inches, which is the same size as your average penis!
The G-spot is also part of the clitoral network. That’s right — the G-spot is part of the clitoris! It is the back of the clit, the apex, which is located internally in the area surrounding the urethral sponge and canal. It contains many ducts and glands including the Skene’s Gland, which fills with an alkaline fluid during stimulation that, when released, is responsible for “squirting”. Not everyone with a vulva squirts, but we all have this gland. To find the G-spot, insert two fingers into the vaginal canal and hook them up. Make a come hither or rocking horse motion. It is a walnut textured path behind the pubic area.
As noted, the G-spot is not exclusively related to sex between a natal male and natal female. In fact, a penis is not particularly well shaped for G-spot stimulation. Penises or phallic-like dildos are not curved, and since the G-spot (or more precisely the G-spot area), is located behind the pubic bone, a curved wand or fingers are more conveniently shaped for this type of stimulation. So now we can put to rest the old pornofied myth that a ginormous horse dong will magically deliver mind-blowing orgasms. That is simply not how the vagina, clitoris, or G-spot work.
If a woman comes during penetrative sex or intercourse with a penis or dildo, the G-spot may not even be to thank. Studies have shown that females who orgasm during penetrative sex likely do so because of the proximity of their vaginal opening to the glans clitoris (the part you can see). If the vaginal opening is 2.5 centimeters or less to the glans clitoris, chances of having orgasms during intercourse are quite high. But alas! This is not because of some mystical vagina that pulsates from the tiniest bit of stimulation. It is simply because their partner’s pelvis, dildo, wand, fingers, or penis is grinding against the glans clitoris. Don’t get me wrong — your G-spot might get stimulated during penetrative sex, but this is the less likely scenario during straight-up intercourse.
Every female has a G-spot. This, however, does not mean everyone with a G-spot will have G-spot orgasms. Female anatomy is complex and our threshold for pleasure is truly astonishing. One person might find that having their clit touched in any capacity simply isn’t their proverbial cup of tea, but get a partner’s lips on their nipples and BAM! Everyone is different.
If you are a person with a female partner (or are just curious about vulvas in general), experiment. Grab a G-spot wand or use your fingers. This is not just a solo activity! Explore and see what works best for you and your partner, but don’t get down on yourself if something doesn’t happen. The G-spot is just one place with pleasure potential, but it might not be your place for pleasure — this is seriously no big deal. The sooner society does away with this obsession with internal orgasms, the better, because there are so many other great kinds of orgasms out there.
No orgasm is better than any other kind of orgasm. Whether you enjoy internal stimulation, external clitoral stimulation, a combination of both, or none of the above, your experience is valid and important. Many societies have this odd notion wherein they place a gold star on G-spot or vaginal orgasms during intercourse. This is considered the “right way” or the “best” way, which is, to use the technical term, complete bullshit.
You have to do your thing! What brings your body pleasure is awesome, and you should do whatever feels good. Masturbate! Try a G-spot wand with your partner. Have them use it on you, too! Have conversations about what works and what does not. Some people may find they enjoy pinpointed internal stimulation wherein the wand is placed and pulled in one spot. Others might find they enjoy more widespread stimulation of the G-spot area. Still, others might find that internal stimulation just does not do it for them at all. Bodies are complex, which is the only truly “normal” aspect of human sexuality. Find your pleasure and enjoy it. Life is too short for bad sex.
Published Mar 1, 2020
Updated Dec 14, 2022
Published in Issue V: Taboos
