Activism comes in many forms, but it has two distinct functions. Campaigning to bring about political or social change comes first to mind, but the process of activism can also build community. Often, individuals who come together because they share a common goal build their sense of “us” by juxtaposing it against an external “them.” This adjacency can work against the group’s mission by deepening feelings of difference and separation from the perceived outsiders, rather than advancing their own stated goals. Demonizing those who do not “belong” has always been a great in-group unifier, but those positioned on the outside of such a divide will typically reflect the hostility and suspicion they receive back at the group, closing off any possibility of dialog or persuasion.

This tension between change-making and community-building has been prominent in my experience in the BDSM scene (Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism). Although the kink world has not generally been centered on activism, there has recently been a pronounced swell in kinksters like me working to alter public perception. The general goal has been to gain more control over the representation of BDSM lifestyles through improving perceptions of kinksters, increasing the visibility of kink culture, and educating the general public.

Activists have sought to alter the public perception of BDSM culture by giving it a human face. Rather than promoting the standard leather and latex imagery that has become so prevalent in mainstream representations of kinky people, these activists have instead worked to show a softer side of kink, such as leather title-holders doing charity work or conducting fundraisers for non-kink organizations. In all cases, the goal is to show the rest of society that there is nothing to be afraid of, and that even though a person may be covered in leather, underneath they are just a regular person like everyone else.

Sex education is another tool to change the conversation around BDSM. Thanks to the work of a new generation of educators, mainstream media has increasingly portrayed kink as just another form of sexual pleasure. Articles appearing in a wide range of publications from Cosmopolitan to the New York Times have significantly helped to alter public opinion of kink in this way, from something abnormal and perverse to something that is actually quite common.

During this whole process, it is not surprising that individuals who rallied under this common cause have strengthened their sense of community. Shared experiences of social rejection and hardships caused by the lack of understanding can be powerful unifiers. The trouble is that in some cases, this sense of community is rooted in the perception of opposition against the non-BDSM world, which is counterproductive.

Consider the myriad titles used in the leather community. “International Mr. Leather”, “Ms. SouthEast LeatherFest”, and “International Mr. Bootblack”, for example, are all titles bestowed on winners of contests that are held at public leather events. One of the goals of these contests is to improve positive outreach and publicity by engaging audience members and participants in fun and entertaining ways. The problem is that these contests are often so steeped in the rules, regulations, and traditions of the culture that they can appear insular and unapproachable to the very same people activists are attempting to engage. Given that these efforts aim to reduce stigma and increase understanding and acceptance of people who participate in leather culture, this outcome highlights a strategic problem.

It is possible that these two sides of activism can work together. People can and do create social change while forming healthy and productive communities. To do so, it is crucial that activists are clear about the group goals, and are mindful of the methods used to foster a sense of belonging. As part of this approach, activists would do well to focus on positive messaging and establishing a framework for outreach that is inclusive rather than exclusive. In the case of BDSM, this means depicting the culture not as an intimidating maze of hierarchy and regulations, but as a community where anyone, no matter their level of experience, is welcome.

No matter what our personal goals, we are all human beings. We all possess a desire to fit in, and can easily succumb to “us” and “them” ways of thinking. This does not mean it is inevitable. By accepting this tendency as a reality of group dynamics, and recognizing the threat it can pose to group objectives, activists can move beyond it to get the job done. In the BDSM world, this can be achieved by letting go of some of the rigidity and welcoming more people in. In doing so, we as a society can become more open, inclusive, and sex-positive.

The good news is that many of these efforts have been successful and changes have been happening. Western society is rapidly becoming more sex-positive and accepting, in part due to the efforts of these activists in the kink world. Simply by typing the words “kink” or “BDSM” into a web browser today, one will likely be inundated by positive articles and resources framing these interests as normal and describing how to engage in them safely. Kinksters — led in large part by younger generations — have also been embracing a much more playful and inclusive vision of kink. Attitudes of sexual educators and therapists have been changing too, with many more openly pushing to change the perception of BDSM from “deviant” to “doesn’t everyone?”

Published Jan 1, 2020
Updated Jul 3, 2023