Pride season is upon us: be ready, or be left behind! This June, our thoughts turn to what some of the discussions might be this year. There’s certainly no lack of contenders, from the issues facing the trans community to how turbulent politics could impact the freedoms of LGBT people. One issue I want to address is the debate around what we call Pride, and how we conceive of it. For many years it was commonly referred to as “gay pride”, and despite the shift toward the more inclusive “Pride”, I still hear many people describe it that way today.

For me, as a bi person, “gay Pride” is just another example of bi erasure — the exclusion of bisexuality from LGBT representation or issues. The reality is that bi people are actually the majority of the LGBT community. If anything, it should be called “bi Pride”, but hey, I’m cool with just Pride — ‘tis the season, after all. Not to put too fine a point on it, but a 2023 Gallup poll found that bi folks make up nearly 60% of all LGBT people in the US. Similarly, the Stonewall Rainbow Britain Report (2022), shows that nearly twice as many people in the UK public identify as either bisexual or another label under the bi umbrella, in comparison to gay or lesbian. In spite of this, bisexuality is often overlooked in LGBT circles, with 66% of bi people not feeling part of the LGBT community. Pew Research also found that bi adults are much less likely to join an LGBT organisation or attend a Pride event. That’s why it is important that Pride serves more than just the gay community, and why we should make sure that bisexual people feel welcome and represented. A big step in this direction would be addressing the attitudes about “straight people” attending Pride, because it affects how bi folks are often perceived.

In my experience, there are some LGBT people who don’t see why straight people have to come to Pride events at all, and others who don’t mind their presence but feel they need to “know their place.” The problem with this is that, according to Pew, 88% of bi people are married or in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex (this might seem surprising, but when you think about it, there’s a lot of straight fish in the sea). Many folks don’t think it’s possible for those in an opposite-sex relationship to be queer, but relationships don’t have sexual orientations — people do! Just as a celibate gay man remains gay even if he has no relationship, a bi person remains bi no matter what kind of couple they’re in. And let’s remember that a great many people in the LGBT community are non-monogamous. For bi folks, it’s not just about making sure we feel comfortable but that our straight partners are also comfortable — that kissing our partner won’t be seen as “straight people invading Pride.”

I’ve certainly had moments where I’ve felt awkward having a straight partner in LGBT environments. On one occasion, we were actually told to stop kissing. Humans are a visual species, and to the outside world, my partner and I look like a straight couple. It’s kind of silly that you have to paint “Bisexual” on your chest or wear a bi flag as a cape to be seen as bi, when, again, we are the majority of the community. If we’re being reality-based here, it probably makes sense to adopt a new norm of just assuming everyone is bi at Pride until otherwise demonstrated, but at the very least, Pride should go beyond saying it’s inclusive of bi people, but really live and breathe it.

Relatedly, I have often been at Pride with my partner when gay men began flirting with me. And I'm not talking about some sassy small talk — I’m talking about slapping my ass and talking about how much mileage it’s had in front of my partner. I’m not sure where this comes from, whether it’s because I’m with a straight partner, or perhaps it’s an attempt at reclaiming territory. Whatever the motivation, bi people don’t need “gaying up for Pride.” Pride is a celebration of gay affection, but it’s also a celebration of bi affection, and that of all queer people (queer in its apolitical and universalist sense), whatever their relationship looks like.

Bi people aren’t something that is being forced onto the community in the modern world — we’ve been here from the start. The LGBT rights movement owes much of its progress to the contributions of bi people, including Fritz Klein who mainstreamed the concept of sexual fluidity, Stephen Donaldson who founded the first official LGBT group at a university, and Brenda Howard who helped make Pride what it is today. Their bravery and activism, and those of many others both before and after the advent of Pride, have helped pave the way for greater visibility and acceptance of the entire LGBT community, reminding us of the importance of bi representation and the continued fight for inclusivity and equality for all.

A final issue around Pride and bisexuality is that of funding. A good indicator of the neglect bi people can face from LGBT groups can be found in the research of Funders for LGBTQ Issues, an organisation that works to increase the scale and impact of philanthropic resources aimed at enhancing the well-being of LGBT people. Its 2022 report, (which tracks the 2019–2021 period) found that funding for bisexual causes had gone down by 1% year after year. In 2021, it showed that the distribution of domestic grant dollars by sexual orientation greatly differed. Programming targeting “gay men” were tracked to have received $9,386,675 over the year, compared to just $58,333 for bisexual orgs. Shocked? Me too! Have I mentioned that bi folks are 60% of the LGBT community! I have, haven’t I?

The funding issue becomes even more pronounced at Pride. There are some truly wonderful bi-specific groups out there, such as amBi, but many others simply don’t have the funds to march in Prides, or to get involved more widely in ways they would want. The cost that goes into organisations merely participating in Pride parades, much less hosting them, can easily run into the thousands.

This Pride season, let’s recognise the evolving nature of this celebration and embrace a perspective more inclusive not only of bi people, but of straight people too. This is about more than language. Let’s also expand our understanding, and actively support bi representation. Together, we can create a Pride that truly embraces the full diversity of our community and empowers every individual to live authentically. We all have a lot in common and so much to celebrate. Let’s march towards a brighter, freer future together.

Published May 31, 2023