Currents

If you’re reading this, then you are probably familiar with the term “TERF”, AKA trans-exclusionary radical feminist. For those lucky few who don’t know (get out now while you still can!), TERFs originally described a subset of radical feminists who excluded or were even hostile toward trans people. TERFdom is not, however, a singular entity. It’s part of a loose coalition of groups, including “BERFs” (bi-exclusionary radical feminists) and “QUERFs” (queer-exclusionary radical feminists), all united by, among other things, their shared obsession with centering oppression. Together, they form a ragtag band of radical feminists, gay separatists, political lesbians, and “heterodox” leftists who have teamed up with the religious right against trans, bi, and queer rights. As someone who has been a part of both fundamentalist religion and feminist/LGBT spaces, the parallels are striking.

I was raised in an intolerant, deeply regressive church. Growing up, I was taught that being gay, bi, or trans was a sin. I was told that women have their set roles and should know their place. I also constantly heard cautionary tales about how the wicked world was out to get us. Everyone outside our enclave of righteousness, we were told, would try to convert us to a life of sin. Around every corner, the forces of Satan lurked in the shadows waiting to lunge and besmirch the virtue of our souls. And naturally, all other churches were made up of charlatans who were no true servants of God. We, alone among humanity, bore the cross of sacred victimhood.

When I escaped as a young adult and was finally able to think and live freely, I fell in love with feminism. I wanted to be free from sexist norms, to have the same opportunities as any man, and to be able to live as my most authentic self. To me, feminism was the freedom to wear pants, have short hair, go fishing, wear stilettos, not have kids, or put googly eyes on all my plants — if I so desired.

But as I dove into the world of feminism, just as its Third Wave was giving way to its Fourth, I encountered some of the strangest hypocrites I never knew existed.

Of course, I couldn’t go far in these spaces without tripping over the infamous faction known as TERFs, but I also met plenty of “BERFs” and “QUERFs”. And yes, they’re just as unpleasant as those acronyms sound. (I’ve previously written about SWERFs, or sex-worker-exclusionary radfems, which I’ll leave out of this critique.)

These fine folks were, they seemed to think, fighting for equality, and yet they each reminded me of the same toxic ideology I’d seen in the Christian fundamentalism of my youth. They had the same psychological hang-ups, the same drive for purity-testing and gatekeeping, the same zeal against out-groups, and the same bizarre fixation with other people’s genitals and sex lives. As a baby queer, unsure of what my sexuality even was at the time, and still a few years away from accepting and embracing my bisexuality, I tried keeping an open mind. But the sense of déjà vu was too strong to ignore.

Then as now, TERFs say that only humans with XX chromosomes and a full set of female sex parts can ever know the “lived experience” of a woman. Anyone else — namely, trans women — not only aren’t women in any sense, they’re also imposters appropriating the hardships /true/ women go through. The lesbian feminist academic Sheila Jeffreys put it bluntly when she likened trans women to parasites “occupying the bodies of the oppressed.”

The idea that “femaleness equals oppression” is key to understanding TERFdom. I’m well aware of sexism, but life as a woman is about a whole lot more than just vagina-based oppression. And yet, to hear TERFs speak, you’d think that womanhood was nothing but vulvas and sorrow. Everything sucks because I was born biologically female, and the world just likes fucking me in and because of my vagina. Because I am a woman. And if you think you can “identify” as a trans woman, that’s just your misogyny and privilege showing. Yeah, because nothing says “I hate women” like wanting to become one. These radical feminists are the same people who proudly tell others that they should live their lives on their terms, free from repressive gender norms — “dress however you like!” But apparently that freedom and privilege only applies if you have the right genitals. The hypocrisy goes on full display when these radical feminists attack gender-nonconforming males who do not identify as trans women. The incoherence — and the meanness with which it is so often expressed — never sat right with me.

The BERFs also rubbed me the wrong way from the get-go. Here was a group of people, including many political lesbians and gay separatists, who’ve been hated their whole lives for whom they love and been told they should “choose” to be straight, yet they had their own warped and intolerant beliefs about bisexuality. They declare that bisexuality isn’t real, that bi folks need to “choose a side”, that they’re faking it for attention, or are too cowardly or deluded to come out as gay. Why the biphobia? Since those damn Bs can supposedly choose to pass as straight — and thus have “straight privilege” — they aren’t as oppressed as the more-deserving-of-your-sympathy Gs and Ls. In their eyes, bi people are guilty of the crime of not being hated enough, an inequity BERFs have taken upon themselves to rectify. This phenomenon has contributed to bi folks being less likely to come out than gay or lesbian people — what psychologist Ethan Mereish calls the “double closet.” Can you feel the liberation yet?

That brings us to the QUERFs — the lesbians, gays, and bis who are quite vehemently not down with the “TQ+” portion of “LGBTQ+.” They want categories separated with neat little bows and explained in a way that creates a hierarchy of sexuality-based oppression. These are the “gay not queer” and “LGB without the T” folks. In addition to rejecting trans people, QUERFs oppose any conception of queerness that could ever encompass heterosexual folks whose relationships, appearance, and/or sex lives place them firmly outside societal norms. QUERFs are the Boomers of the LGBT world, often literally but also figuratively. Many are indeed older gays and lesbians who grew up being called “queers” by bullies and gay bashers and can never see the label as anything but a slur. These are people who’ve been through some real shit, and who take umbrage at what they see as stolen valor by younger folks to whom they can’t relate. To QUERFs, the only kind of sexual or romantic nonconformity that counts is LG and same-sex versions of the B. Anyone else doesn’t make the cut and can never know what it feels like to have the cishetero jackboot on their neck.

TERFs, BERFs, and QUERFs are holdovers from older radical movements — TERFs from the radical third-wave feminism of the late-20th century, and BERFs and QUERFs from the gay/lesbian separatist movements of the same era. To chart the connections between these groups would leave us staring at a dizzying tangle of criss-crossing lines. The overlap between radical feminism and political lesbianism is so well-known that, to many, they erroneously appear one and the same. And as the female half of the gay separatist movement, radical lesbians joined their gay brethren in rejection of bisexuality which they dismissed as a kind of bogus, centrist fence-sitting. Similarly, TERFs and QUERFs both share an antipathy toward trans people, and BERFs and QUERFs, which aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive, share the same zeal for enforcing group purity and when they differ, it’s only about whom to exclude. (I warned you this would get messy.)

These groups share both the common goal of dismantling the heteropatriarchy and the common grievance over what they see as unwanted outsiders infiltrating their movements or gaining unwarranted recognition within them. They share, at their core, the Marxist fetish for oppression as the cornerstone of personal meaning and group identity. But the Marxist tradition is by no means the only game in town when it comes to glorifying and gatekeeping victimhood. It all gave me some serious flashbacks to the melodramatic persecution complex drenched over every aspect of Christian fundamentalism.

The religious right might be teeming with virulent sexists and homophobes who would roll back women’s and LGB rights so fast your pussy hat would spin, but their newfound interest in “feminism” and “science” has made them an ally in the fight against trans people. And sure, TERFs, BERFs, and QUERFs don’t want to go back to the days when open homophobia was tolerated, but they have nevertheless decided to “embrace tradition” when it comes to exiling those filthy bi, trans, and queer heathens.

For the time being, religious radicals, radical feminists, and other fellow travelers have found some common enemies. But make no mistake: as happy as the religious right is to cheer on this identitarian infighting on the left, they are not real allies. A majority of Republicans in the US now oppose same-sex marriage again. This isn’t a real coalition — it’s a trap, one too many folks are falling for. Like the feminists who champion Hamas or “Queers for Palestine”, TERFs, BERFs, and QUERFs undermine and betray their own causes by empowering the very factions who would take their rights away. The toxic infighting has reached such a fever pitch that we’re seeing lesbians, gays, and self-identified feminists voicing support for Donald Trump. This is a man, need I remind you, who proudly “grabs women by the pussy”, who brags about overturning Roe v. Wade, and who has been found liable of sexual abuse in a court of law. As someone who cares about actual freedom and equality for women — not winning the counterproductive oppression Olympics — this is all deeply concerning.

For me, the beauty of feminism lies in liberating women from the notion that our biology should dictate our roles in society. It’s the idea that, as a woman, my existence cannot be reduced to having a vagina or being oppressed. It is a message of optimism, one that pushes back on sexism, yes, but one that also celebrates women’s potential to follow their dreams, even if they don’t fit into some people’s narrow conceptions of what is proper. Sound familiar?

Let people be who they want to be. If someone with a penis wants to live as a trans woman, in 99.9% of circumstances, it costs you nothing to be a decent person and leave them alone. The other 0.1% of edge cases are worthy of serious discussion — but also a little perspective. The point isn’t that you aren’t allowed to disagree with anything any trans person ever says, lest you be branded a hater. Rather, choosing to spend your days relentlessly demagoguing about trans people says something about you — and not something flattering. There are nuts and radicals everywhere, including among trans activists, but most just want to live their lives and coexist in peace. Trans politics includes some challenging issues on which multiple sides will need to compromise for any kind of consensus to ever be reached. That can’t happen if we’re dialing the conversation up to a permanent 110%.

Human rights aren’t like pie. Someone else having basic freedoms, dignity, or recognition does not mean anyone else gets any less. Almost every woman, gay man, or lesbian knows what it feels like to be excluded, denigrated, discriminated against, or told they don’t belong. Thankfully, less and less over the years — at least in the West. Let’s not share the gift of trauma by turning around and doing the same things to others that were done to us. The central mistake that TERFs, BERFs, and QUERFs make isn’t actually their exclusionary mindset. That flows downstream from the deeper problem, which is the notion that one’s value as a human is derived from one's degree of victimhood. The irony is, this quest to maintain pure victimhood recreates the same power dynamics that victimized many of these same people in the past. As a general rule, if you’re gay, lesbian, or feminist, and you find yourself in bed with guys who watch The Handmaid’s Tale as though it were Star Trek, you’ve gone terribly, terribly wrong somewhere.

Published Aug 30, 2024